


Surprise!

by nochick_fics



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Christmas, Humor, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 17:41:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14878335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nochick_fics/pseuds/nochick_fics
Summary: Roy has prepared a special Christmas gift for Ed.





	Surprise!

**Author's Note:**

> Written 12/25/2011.

“Okay Ed, keep your eyes closed.”

Roy carefully guided Ed through the front door and into the living room, glancing periodically at his lover’s face to ensure that he wasn’t peeking.  Ed tended to be a sneaky shit sometimes. 

“I  _mean_  it,” he warned. 

“Alright, alright,” Ed grumbled.

As Roy led him to a chair, Ed uttered a rather creative jumble of expletives when he almost tripped over his own feet while sitting down.  To Roy’s astonishment, Ed’s eyes remained closed during the mishap, though his expression bore that pissy scowl that he had come to adore.  Silently, of course. 

With Ed finally in place, Roy took a step back and began to speak. 

“I wanted to do something extra special for you for Christmas.”

“Holy shit.”  Ed’s face lit up in glee.  “You finally got us a sex swing, didn’t you?”

“Um...”

“I can’t believe you did that!  I’ve been bugging you forever about buying one.”

“Ed...”

“Man, I can’t wait to use it!” Ed exclaimed eagerly.  “I’m about to get hard just thinking about it.”

_“Will you shut up?”_

Just as Ed was about to give Roy hell for yelling at him, he heard a muffled giggle to his right.

As far as he knew, sex swings did not giggle.

“Just open your eyes, you idiot,” Roy muttered. 

Slowly, Ed opened his eyes… and immediately died a little bit inside when he found himself in a room full of his nearest and dearest, each of them bearing gifts and the uncomfortable expression of one who has become privy to entirely too much information. 

“Uh… hi, Brother,” Al said, his face crimson with embarrassment. 

“Merry Christmas, Ed,” Sheska piped in, giggling again.   
  
Winry could barely bring herself to look at him.    
  
Havoc, Breda, Fuery, and Falman all waved awkwardly.   
  
Unimpressed with the revelation, Riza approached the horrified teen and offered him a present.

“It’s not a sex swing,” she began.  “But I suppose that you  _could_  stick it up your ass.”

Roy slapped his hand to his face and shook his head in abject humiliation, although there was some small measure of satisfaction to be found as Ed stumbled his way though conversing with his brother and friends, a gathering that Roy worked very hard to coordinate just for him.  He guessed that he should have known better; Ed barely had a filter of  _any_ sort between his brain and his mouth (or his cock and his mouth) and it was even worse when he thought that they were alone together.   

Oh well, lesson learned.  The next time Roy secretly planned on inviting over others, he would definitely see to it that there were no surprises... which was _precisely_  the reason why he decided to wait until everyone left to show Ed the sex swing that awaited him in their bedroom, complete with a big red bow.

***** 

In case you’re wondering, Riza bought Ed a bottle of cologne.

Ed did not stick it up his ass.


End file.
